We decided we were ready to try to conceive again. It was very emotional and scary to think about getting pregnant again. What if we miscarried again? The fear was almost debilitating. I had been going to counseling, which helped but fear is tough.
The months went on and negative test kept coming. When we conceived Owen it happened so quickly and I assumed it would be easy the second time. I was wrong. Taking and tracking my temperature, ovulation tests, calendars, as so on.... We tried 3 months of clomid and even saw a reproductive specialist. He told us to wait 2-3 more months to conceive naturally.
Well, the two lines finally came on September 4th. Instant excitement and definitely some fear. I went to Target and got another test just to make sure. I also bought a onesie to give Jesse as a gift to tell him that we were pregnant. After months and months of being disappointed, I was so eager to tell him the good news! I setup the iPad and recorded Jesse opening the gift. We cried together and hugged for a long time. As Jesse held me I could feel tension from my body. We were scared but we wanted to be happy and excited. And for a few weeks, we were. We chose to be happy and trust that Jesus would carry us through regardless of the outcome.
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